Dear Riggy G,
Receive warm weekend greetings from one of your most devout admirers!
As you prepare your troupe of political apostles to storm another church service tomorrow, allow me to give you free advice on three things in keeping with the spirit of telling the truth and nothing but the truth to a truthful man.
One, as you address the nation, whether from church sanctuaries, your home in Karen or Wamunyoro, try to hide your exasperation If you don’t your adversaries will use any inkling of vexation to keep provoking you so that you boil in the heat of your own bitterness. Every time I see you open your mouth on TV I shudder because invariably your words flow like magma from an unruly volcano. A leader of your stature should NEVER let wrath consume his soul. In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, “For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.”
Two, ignore those who claim that the imprint of the village tattooed deep in your character is a liability. Far from it! I chose to celebrate you instead of joining haters who attack you on account of your persona because virtually everyone has a village they call home. You have done very well for yourself and made the kind of wealth many can only get in their dreams. Do NOT let anyone prescribe to you how to live your life. It’s yours, NOT theirs! Why would anyone dictate to you how to dress or devour boiled maize?
Three and final for now, you need not get too obsessed with your former boss. Whenever you tell him off you end up sounding way less than the hero you are. Actually every time you call your former boss names you reduce your rating as a national leader. Do your supporters a favour by spending your time out of office weaving together the demeanour of a national leader and statesman, not a bucolic roughneck with deep-seated mannerisms of a plebian.
As I sign off, I wish you well as I wait for your Sunday drama. If this time round your tormentors do not send goons your way to harass you and your entourage, find your own genge and show them how to stage an artificial attack. Don’t give anyone room to drown your political ambitions!
In whatever you do, remain safe!
Yours faithfully,
Mugabo-Mugenge
